Catfish and Fetish Modeling

So...Where do I begin?

Okay, I'll start at the beginning.

(If you want to skip ahead to the actual story skip these next two paragraphs)

I'm 32 years old and for most of those years I have been chronically single. If you took every relationship I've ever been in and combine them it would make a grand total of eight months out of my life that I have not been single—three girlfriends, well actually two girl friends and one trans guy I dated for two weeks who was not on T yet. He's the only person I've ever dumped. But before you get the wrong impression about me being a loner let me just say that I carry torches and tend to get myself in pseudo-relationships, as in, I fall in love with someone, am totally devoted to them, and they have no interest in a relationship with me—the “friend zone” so to speak. Though I will say I've learned a hell of a lot more from them about what I'm looking for and what I'm not, than I did from any of my actual girlfriends (and these pseudo-relationships have lasted a lot longer).

Anyway, I'm trying to change all this. Pseudo-relationships and dating people I'm not in love with suck. So I've been on OKCupid. I'm hoping since it's a dating site that most anyone I talk to at least is thinking of me in terms of someone they could date. And I'm hoping to hell that they're willing to wait. I'm very cautious about falling in love; once I fall in love it is very difficult for me to fall out of love. So for me anyway, sex (though important) isn't the most important thing. So with that in mind, if someone contacts me who isn't someone I know I couldn't be attracted to (as in pretty much all men) I give them a chance.

So, I've been on OkCupid since September. In September this girl contacts me. “Hi Natalie. How are you?” she says.

“I'm good :)” I reply, “How are you?

“I'm wonderful. Thanks for saying hi. You are beautiful.”

“Thanks.”

And she didn't respond. “Well,” I think, “You're going to have to do a little better than that,” and I forget about her. Then this Wednesday she gets in touch with me, we talk a little bit about my leather jacket (that I'm wearing in my profile picture) and then I give her my phone number. We exhange a few texts and then she tells me she's 4'7”, 120 lbs, nurse (she wrote it just like this with the article “a”), and the submissive type. She said she was looking to find a dominant aggressive female.

Okay, so I'm 5'10” and weigh more than I want to share, and this sounds shallow, but I don't want to be with someone who makes me feel like a giant. On top of that I am very much a bottom.

I respond and tell her I'm submissive also and that I'm looking for a relationship and not just sex.

“Me too. Well crap. You are a sub. Grrr.” She replies.

“LOL,” I text back, “Sorry.”

“It's okay. Maybe you could try to be a little domme :)”

So this genuinely makes me laugh. But I think about it. I'm flexible and I have been on top before. It isn't what I prefer. It felt ridiculous, and made me laugh. Actually my partner and I had to stop a couple times because we were laughing too hard to continue. So I'm rolling the idea in my head. I know I can't be dom all the time but I could occasionally, and if it were to be a partnership it might work out.

“hahahaha :) maybe dinner and drinks first.” I respond.

“Sounds great,” she says and then doesn't say anything else.

After a while I text her back. “Was I supposed to suggest somewhere to meet?” I ask.

“Sure,” she says.

So I tell her Cary Street for happy hour on Tuesday.

(On a side note I met a girl there last week who I might be meeting there again this week. We were talking at the bar, I was leaving she had just gotten there. “Will you be here again next week?” She asked me—“yeah probably.” I don't know if there's anything there, but I'm exploring all my options.)

Anyway, then I ask the OkCupid girl if she said she was 4'7”. That's really short (and honestly somewhat of an issue for me).

“Yeah,” she responded, “I'm short. I'm fun sized.”

“Okay, that's cool.” I texted. She didn't respond. Now I'm a little worried that maybe I inadvertently hurt her feelings by asking about something she is really sensitive about. On the other hand, I only asked for verification of something she had already told me and from what she's told me so far I don't really see a relationship with her going anywhere.

Thursday night I indulged in one of my favorite activities: drinking wine and sending topless selfies to my close friends. They tell me they enjoy this activity of mine also. After a few glasses of wine, I started to feel bad about possibly insulting the OkCupid girl, so I send her a text. I tell her that I didn't mean to insult her height, that I have body issues myself and I'm really sensitive to possibly insulting others. I asked if she still wanted to meet at Cary Street.

She responds that I didn't insult her and that yes she does want to meet.

So Friday morning, let's just say I wasn't feeling pretty. I didn't bother with makeup or a shower or anything, I just hauled my fat carcass to the Golden Corral for breakfast consisting of eight types of pork, three types of beef, two types of gravy, biscuits, and toast.

OKCupid girl and I are texting the entire time. Our conversation starts off fairly normal. She tells me she teaches high school. I'm wondering if maybe “nurse” was some sort of auto-correct, I'm also wondering why she has time to text me and smoke cigarettes. We talk a lot about cigarettes. I'm trying to quit. She isn't. She asks what brand I smoke. I tell her. Then she asks for a picture of me wearing my leather jacket (she'd deleted her Okcupid profile. I'm not going to speculate why). I sent her my profile picture (which she tells me she's already seen) and then another selfie I took the same day.

I, by the way, look really hot in my profile picture, no exaggeration. I really do.

She tells me I should be modeling. I send her a smiley face and say thanks. “Never thought about it?” she asks.

“I think I'm too fat :(“ I respond. (Just so you know, I am overweight but I don't think anyone would call me fat, though too fat to be a model is probably accurate)

OKCupid girl tells me she does fetish modeling on the side, and tells me I would make a killing. She asks for permission to send whoever it is she works for the first picture I sent her. And then really starts pressuring me to be a model. To the point that when I'm leaving Golden Corral she tells me to stop and pick up cigarettes.

Now, I have no moral objections to fetish modeling, however I do have a particular body issue that I would never feel comfortable sharing with anyone—I have abnormal genitalia and need reconstructive surgery. I have one firm rule when it comes to sex: they are not to be talked about, looked at, or touched. I actually have had some really satisfying sexual experiences with people who have respected that. I've also faced rejection because of it, but the way I look at it is: if someone doesn't have enough skill to work with my limits then they probably don't have much skill. Sex should be a full body experience and I have a great (for the most part) body—I would never be comfortable with, or modeling for someone who is into what I have between my legs, and the very idea that something like that might even be suggested makes me cringe.

This is not a point I'm going to bring up with OKCupid girl, because it isn't relevant yet, and I've found that even with people I end up being very compatible with, if they know this about me before getting to know me, it doesn't matter how much we have in common or even how attractive they think I am, I have no chance.

OKCupid girl would not relent to the point that I no longer think she's a real person, or that she runs a human trafficking ring—she wanted me to meet her in the parking lot of Martin's by a van to take photos of me smoking cigarettes and wearing leather/plastic outfits. Uh, yeah. Not on the first date.

She finally stopped texting me when I made it absolutely clear I wasn't going to do any fetish modeling that day.

I have to say two things: One, even though I know this person was probably a catfish I kinda have a big head right now, and two, if (in the highly unlikely scenario) this person turns out to be real, and turns out to be amazing and we fall in love etc. etc. etc. I'll have one hell of a story to tell about how I met her, and really my life is all about accumulating good stories.

Okay, well I have a third thing to say: I do not want to end up naked in a van in Mexico, so I'm inviting all my friends to Cary Street with me just to make sure I don't get drugged.